Wednesday, February 23, 2005

enlightenment?

this is a thread on enlightenment in the Anusara tribe on tribe.net"


Kris said:

"The purpose of Life is both to awaken to our True Nature, and to serve Life by bringing more goodness, love, and beauty into this world. Spiritual awakening is the ever-expanding process of recognizing that our true nature is perfect, full, and lacking nothing. Spiritual freedom or enlightenment is not a fixed state of being. Rather it is an ever-evolving process of unfolding our beauty, goodness, balance, and perfection. Progress on the path of awakening is reflected in an increase in one's spiritual centeredness; wisdom; trust in the Divine's play; ability to loving honor the Divine in each other; and ability to celebrate the divine beauty in life."

- Anusara Universal Principles of Philosophy


then Kris also said:

I completely agree. However, one cannot deny that the hindu/yogic tradition represents that there is a point in one's sadhana that the practioner connects to the heart and that connection is then never severed. Further, I have definitely meet some very highly evolved beings, mostly Indian Hindu and Yoga gurus that give testiment to high states of liberation or enlightenment. The Sakti that was present in these various beings gave great witness that they knew what they were talking about. What are your views?

then I said:

I feel those highs states of liberation when I am not thinking about spiritual freedom or enlightenment and maybe not even in my heart necessarily. it is ususally at the climax/highest point of whatever form of yoga I am doing. Last night at a kirtan it was when we were in the middle of a bhajan and i was crying out for Siva. i am not feeling my heart or thinking about liberation or anything, the state just IS--it is only afterwards that I can even consider what happened. sometimes in an asana i become so open and tension-free that i will immediately start to cry and there is no me or other--just longing to know my true self, feeling something and surrendering to the fact that i have no idea about anything--letting consciousness move through this body. then once my eyes open and i am relying on my senses to conenct to my environment it goes away for the most part. it is only in the constant repetition of these practices i feel that i even have the tiniest hope of someday realizing my true Self. It is so easy to get thrown off course or to believe that something other than the science of yoga will take me there. and i try to remain humble that this can take many lifetimes and stay comitted to my practice. maybe there is no shortcut to enlightenment. though i am going to India at the end of summer with the intention that i will find myself in places that accelerate my spiritual growth and purify my dense body/mind further. who knows what will happen, but with only a skeleton of a plan, i am believing the rest will fill itself in. i honor the idea that by "serving life" and "bringing more goodness" this can expand my awakening, but it gets sticky because my ego is very closeby waiting to jump onto anything it can take credit for, believing that i am doing anything when grace is received in my life tends to strengthen my ego. My path is more through simplicity, gratitude, surrender and quiet, concentrated celebration- rather than obvious outward displays of something ecstatic. and i'm open to the texture and form of my path changing entirely as Ma sees fit. thanks for asking

Monday, February 21, 2005

make the mind strong

"Make the mind strong. The body changes according to the mind and its emotions. That's why we say, 'As you think, so you become.' Whatever the mind thinks, the body translates. Here's an ordinary example: If your mind is happy, your face shows it with a smile; if your mind is unhappy your face shows that also with your frown. People don't see your mind directly, but they see it through your body. So every thought in the mind is expressed through the body. When the body undergoes certain difficult situations, if the mind has complete faith, that will help the body to get relief, or even to get cured. Sickness may come to the body. But, keeping the mind under control is in your hands. The body may fall sick. But you should not allow the mind to get sick.God bless you. Om Shanthi, Shanthi, Shanthi."

--His Holiness Sri Swami Satchidananda

Friday, February 11, 2005

grace can flow

my ego is attached to writing when I feel so much love flowing out of my heart and am totally conencted to God. that way I know when people read my blog they will get the good stuff. I like to give people the good stuff. I will write now anyway.
My plans are going well to leave for India. I am pretty sure I will be on a plane on my birthday. 8/17. I will probably land in Uttaranchal - may do this week-long jyotish class. After that I will do the Sivananda Yoga Teacher Training in Uttaranchal. It is a 30-day intensive. I'm really looking forward to a daily submersion in yogic practice. That is the main reason I want to do a 30 day intensive. I was considering doing the treacher training at Integral in SF but it is two nights a week plus Saturdays and I would like to do a full intensive to establish good sadhana for myself.
It can be difficult to be at work in an environment that doesnt have my highest priorities in mind :) (I can be so skillful in my word choice..) and then switch to doing the things I would otherwise be doing if I weren't working. I find I get pretty tired at the end of the day.
It has also been an emotionally draining few weeks for me. Sadasiva and I breaking up and me practising peace inside myself. He was a big anchor to truth, simplicity and ease in my life. Even though I brought a lot of emotional drama as I tend to do in relaitonships, it is clear that being with him made my sadhana easier on some level. My sadhana has changed in that I bring more flow to it. I might say the names of the Divine Mother in my bed in the morning or do hatha pracitce or pranyama at home, so in some senses my sadhana is more organic doing it on my own, but i need structure to maintain discipline. i like myself better when i am in a relationship--that's not true, it is that i like the way my partner's tether me to the ground and keep me motivated to be a better person. too bad they are also so confusing for me and consequently i either pick bad relationships or choose men that teach me soemthing to take me to the next thing and then we are finished with each other. astrologically, i do not have a lot of indications for experiencing peace and joy in romantic relationships. so i am sure this is all the area in which i need to grow. i still have a fantasy that says i will live with a man and things will "turn out" - will have a dog and a garden--that is my worldy romantic aspiration, a dog, a garden and a man that wants god at the same level and is willing to practice and mess up with me. my aspirations for love are that i continue to fill my heart and mind with the love/peace i am made of and give that back to the world in the form of feminine energy, shakti, through my embrace, through compassionate eyes, with the softness and delicate hum of my skin, i want to planet seeds in our garden and raise the little sprouts to nourish our bodies. I read about the lives of sages and saints and it makes me weep to feel how deeply i want to merge my small quivering gentle self with that of god consciousness.. the way is through practice and simplification and dedication, perseverance to doing so. i long to know what it means to love as big as amma. my ego gets activated when i use the words samadhi or self-realized being, i cant think at that level or use those terms, they are so charged with meaning. i have no idea what samadhi means, but i know my heart wimpers and calls out for the lord's presence to reside in everything i am. please help me surrender everything i think i know so the grace can flow.
uhh..i am always on the verge of tears. and i hold it back so much of the time because i am at work. a lot of my waking hours are at work. who is my ishta deva? in what form will i worship you to bring you all the way inside me? please guide this innocent child's heart..