Attachment

My current dilemna/inquiry is a look into the nature of attachment.
On Saturday night I went to the satsang at the ashram in San Ramon. I knew I would be late, but wanted to go after having a couple of emotionally draining days. I knew that being in a space with the other devotees, letting go in song and praise would be the best and easiest way to get back in my heart and feel validated, really.
I sat there, listening to the end of the satsang, where Swami Dayamrita was sharing a funny story about Amma and trying to catch an airplane to and from Spain with no sleep. Missing not only the first part of the satsang, but also the opening chanting had me wanting to connect even faster. I exhaled deeply and snuggly wiggled my butt onto my pillow, gazing at the framed compassionate smiling Amma ahead of me. This was the first time I had gone to Amma's without SadaSiva. I was alone and thought I wanted to be alone. Once the satsang was over the bhajans started up. i didn't have the books ot sing along so I was challenged to pay attention and sing back in call response style, the bhajans are sung without the assistance of the books. The softer, deeper bhajans brought me right to tears. Tears at the difficulty I had with my Mom earlier in the day; tears at the missing and longing to be with SadaSiva; tears that I could feel the attachment in my heart and body. I wanted SadaSiva to be with me. I felt like i needed to be at Amma's in order to reconnect with her. I know that connection is available always, everywhere at any time, but I needed the reassurance of everyone else there that I was where I was supposed to be and I was a right human being.
I grew self-conscious of the amount of attention I had on myself and my "needs," I hoped no one was looking at me. I wanted to be alone with my needs, attachment, and tears. I could feel the longing in my heart to merge with Amma, with God, with Light, with Truth. i laughed and cried at my silly attachments and the critical finger-wagging I was doing at myself in response to my silly attachments. It was all pretty funny, really. Since SadaSiva and I have been dating it has been relatively effortless to stay present, clear, taking each day absolutely. On Saturday I could feel the attachment start to settle somewhere in my body. We talked before about how what most people define as "in love" is just attachment. Was that what was happening? Was I falling in love and attempting to attach myself to something? But there's nothing to attach to. Said more accurately, was I building up an expectation? That's when trouble arises in relationships. Expecting anything is a set-up for failure and disappointment.
So I am currently exploring this idea of attachment. It is certainly not a new phenomena in my life.
Amritanandamayi, Mata Amritanandamayi