changes and a shout out to gratitude

I have no idea what I have written in here. I find that when I write it is often not detailed or material-based, but experiential, feeling-based...so I do not write here the same way I would in my own hand-written journal. My journal is choc-full of details, names, places and events. Here is more of a recapitulation of how I'm doing, in a semi-cosmic sense.
So much time passes between entries that I do not know if there is anything cohesive happening, but that doesn't really matter. I am nearing a move back to the bay. Yup. reunited and it feels so good. I have always considered the bay my home, and "where I grew up." Though I am destined to be growing up the rest of my life, I spent the most consistent number of years being a resident of San Francisco City and County. This time, I am east bay-bound. The actual "city" was great in my twenties and since I am now in my thirties, well into my thirties (I'll be 37 in another month) I am primed and ready for east bay living. I will also have Antara with me half the time, and lord knows, the east bay is a great place for young'ins, and adults alike.

now would be a good time to give a shout-out of gratitude to the ol' universe. I am grateful for:

patience that I am sometimes blessed with. I feel patient and accepting of what is happening in my life. There are a lot of unknowns in my purview right now and things can and may go a myriad directions..and I am okay with this. I feel downright blessed and grateful for my life and the way it looks, and who I am, that whatever the great God has in store for me in sure to be equally satisfying and beautiful as it is now. and if it's not, i will re-orient my thinking so that it can be again.

being a mom. Watching my ball of light daughter learn how to be polite and express herself in a whole way. Hearing her sing to herself. watching her struggle and grow expressing her feelings and desires. Allowing her to see me, unfiltered and unapologetically. It is my intention to be an inspiration to her of not settling for mediocre being enough. That I handle myself and my relationships with people with as much dignity and compassion as I am able, while honoring myself first.

being surrounded by amazingly brilliant souls. I seriously feel like I have a network of Buddhas around me. people are awesome. and intelligent. and committed and clear. and willing and creative and kind and loving and supportive. not every single person i encounter every day. but i am present to the goodness that pervades each person's heart and desire. People really want to be and do good. and so many are. and those many that i have the good fortune of being in connection with, to them i am grateful and humbled by their works of brilliance.

having a connection to spirit/God I would have been dead so long ago..if it weren't for trusting and believing and praying. I pray, daily I guess. I clearly ask God for what I want as clearly and specifically as I can. and I do my best to accept what I receive in response to those requests. I've been down and out emotionally, physically, mentally, materially..and I just put my palms together, close my eyes and surrender into my heart, and ask to be guided by the greater wisdom. Going within and reconnecting when things get overwhelming, or too intense, or sad or angry, is my lifeline back to staying alive and continuing to flourish. Sometimes I freak out, and break down and hurriedly work to recover, but when I remember to drop in and pray, all goes well. Every time.