taking shape nicely

things are taking shape nicely as I get closer to taking off for India. When I was reading the South India Lonely Planet book last night, looking at all the details of little neighborhoods inside of the state of Kerala I felt like I was riding along in a boat in the backwaters. I always remember this thing they said at the Berkeley Psychic Institute when I took a class there about how our spirit leaves our body all the time and often gets to the place we are going before our body does. this happens with vacation all the time. You actually start feeling like you are on vacation but your butt is still in the office chair. I can relate. and conversely, when it is time ot come home, often times we forget to enjoy those last days or moments of splendor often worrying about our to-do list when we return.
Well, last night in reading the guide I was getting totally excited about traipsing around and stepping down on Indian soil.

I've considered staying here another month so I can have a few hundred dollars more before leaving, but I could do that until I'm 50 - on some level, no amount of money is ever enough. Whatever I have at the end of January is what I am going with. And it's not that far off..something like 125 days until I take off on the plane..I did a little advent calendar so I could count backwards until I get there.
For some reason I arbitrarily chose 2/18 as a departure date. And traveling during those months Feb - Aug in South India is supposedly the reverse of what is suggested. Wouldn't be the first time I was doing things opposite of what is advised. What's hte worstthat can happen, a monsoon? I will be with what is.

Kerala seems to be the place I will spend the most time. Amma is there. will be there except when on tour in may and june in the states. the sivananda ashram is there and I may do their Teacher training. it seems like a place where I can do a lot of exploring and learning. and it's just one tiny little piece of India. no wonder people say you need to spend a TON of time there..why do they only issue 6 month tourist visas then? i wonder for how long i have to leave before returning..i wonder if I will "make it" six months there. I wonder when I decided six months would be a good amount of time. i think i will run out of money before then.

ok back to floating along in a boat in the backwaters of Kerala.. there's nothing to worry about daughter.

I haven't stepped foot in a Starbucks or other house of ill-repute since i said I wasn't going to drink caffeine. I realized I meant no espresso drinks or coffee, and have since allowed tea into the diet - which feels fine to me. I'm not insane like I was on cappuccinos.

CAFfeineeeee.....

Day One no caffeine.

Jeeez. The thing that is the most frustrating to me about not drinking coffee is that I get spacy/forgetful/absent-minded. The addiction component of caffeine, espresso in particular must be similar to coming off of heroin or nicotine. I made this choice yesterday after going over to Sadasiva's house and witnessing the difference in his energy stream and where I was flowing. He reminded me of how I felt before I started working at Wells again: calm, easy, free, no ruffles in the sheets, or ripples in the water. He was smiling simply and my body felt like it was being powered by a chainsaw motor. I think I was high until I went to bed at 9:45. When I'm on caffeine I non-stop talk as well. I am kind of a talker at any rate, but I get very full of myself on caffeine and couple that with being a talker and then I realize how I can carry on for over an hour with no break. so, it's day one.
I have taken this stuff called DMAE (2-dimethylaminoethanol) off and on for awhile now. It makes claims to mental acuity or something like that. I dont know where I read about it, but whenever i did I remember it saying that it increases mental function. Plus it's in the brain-booster section at Rainbow so that takes the guess work out. That stuff works in terms of sharpening my mind.
For me, one of the most painful ways to suffer is to be foggy-headed and inarticulate - not be able to make my point or to weakly make my point. I hate sounding stupid. And so far in my life I am my own worst enemy in judging the stupidity of my speaking. So the DMAE stuff helps with that.
And then I have vitamin water - essential, the orange one. I know it is fortified with sugar but I hope that it will also balance out the sharp drop in energy I feel in my body. My eyes feel heavy, I slept 7 or 8 hours last night. I woke up before my alarm went off, again, around 5:45/6:00AM. I love waking up early. I sang the Mahasundamarini Stotram to Amma,
everyone's asleep. the house is peaceful. the streets are dark and quiet. I feel like a mouse, or a wave of light bouncing in silence.
I'm really excited that my savings account has money in it, YAY!! I am really going to India. and I have money in the bank. Two things that I have talked a lot about, wanted a whole bunch, but never had much positive movement towards. Go me!! and without caffeine.
Aum amriteswarayai namah