changing lanes into the divine

well I'm still merging.. have my blinker on. wait, can you merge with a blinker..turn signal, whatever, or is merging distinctly without the blinker? when you signal and go that is called changing lanes.
Changing lanes with the divine. If I ever write a memoir that'll be the title. I was just thinking how I didn't have a title for the autofelatibiography that I will never write.

Where to begin? I guess to say that I have been thinking about what my life will be like when I come back from India would be an accurate account of the past week. When I started this blog and when I started knowing that India was on the horizon it was hatched from a place of total surrender to whatever God had in store for me, but I was putting in a request that that involve me staying in India living the life of a free spirit, spreading love and meditating singing "for a living." I thought that. that that is possible. that that that that.

And I don't doubt that. now. but I do think I will likely return to the states and assume my life as a Western thirty-something. Besides I'd/I'll have to get creative in the way I go about staying in India since they kick you out after six months if you're a regular ol tourist.

So I am seeing how there is this paradox. there is a balance. there is an east and there is a west. and i like the west. it has been good to me. when i read about swami sivananda radha and her time spent with Swamiji I am opened to much of the reality of what being at the ashram was, and ostensibly will, be like.

I haven't lost my cynicism. Oh, how sharp and dreadful it is.