shiva and yoga

I have been practising hatha yoga regularly for a few years now and as i have grown and opened the techniques and teachers i am drawn to have also grown. Last night, being in a room of about 100, the air was moist and warm, the class was a level 2/3 so i knew i was in for a sweaty intense practice. i have taken his class before but this was on a Tuesday night after work so the folks that go are very dedicated to their practice, somewhat different than a weekend class where there tend to be a lot more drop-ins. At the beginning of class Rusty shared with us that one of his students felt this was going to be a 'hard' class, so he wanted to make sure he delivered on this guy's premonition. We all sighed and giggled. The feeling in me at the start of class was one of really wanting to feel my muscles and body alive. Sometimes I go to class and I am feeling pooped out and unmotivated. Last night I was ready for what he had! I had also invited a friend to come so I had one eye turned toward the door expecting her arrival. We chanted briefly a somewhat complicated verse than what i have expereinced in most hatha classes..so it was humorous because we were all trying to work out the sanskrit well enough to actually sing. fortunately Rusty has so much bhakti (devotion) and the room has awesome acoustics so no matter what comes out, blended together it all sounds and feels good. Eventually my friend arrived, there was no room for her except in the very first row..she didnt see me but i saw her come in..i turned my attention fully inward at that point, knowing she was now taken care of.

We did 110 minutes worth of asanas (poses) and gradually the sweat collected on our towels and mats and the floor around us. Peacocks turned into Warriors turned into bound angles and the beloved downward dogs. I love the names of all the asanas. every word in sanskrit has meaning. it is a vibrational language so saying the word evokes the feeling of the word as it resonates through the body. like shanti. shanti means peace. and to say shanti evokes a feeling of peace. try it. say om shanti om shanti om shanti three times with your eyes closed. say it with intention and see if you feel peace pervade you. the whole language is like that - it is very poetic and sacred.

we got into some really complex poses. a good teacher will take you right to your edge and then offer just a little more than where you are comfortable..so there is room to expand and grow and breathe into the new territory. i fell out of poses, giggled, slipped on my mat. one of the assistants helped lift my leg higher so i could go deeper in the pose..i felt his confidence and trust in me as he respectfully guided me deeper.

the lights go down. we sigh and exhale out loud. the air in the room is full of prana (life force energy). where there is water there is more life force. the ocean has an incredible amount of prana, as does the rain..we can feel their power, their force..

as we settle into savasana (corpse pose) i can feel myself shedding. shedding the layers, the ideas i had when i first arrived at class. Rusty asked us to give back all that we had accumulated. the dam broke as i gave everything i have ever believed to be mine back to the universe. nothing is ours. i came naked and will leave naked, without the wordly garb, the thoughts, the ideas. these bodies go back into the matter, the earth, from where they came. and consciousness remains.

there is a big nataraja statue at the front of the room. Nataraja is a form of Shiva who is the King Dancer. I opened my eyes and looked over there, at him, at myslf, my love. my life is a dedication to Shiva. and he was right there in the room with us all inviting our surrender. he will take everything you are courageous enough to give him-that is what he does... i am weeping so wonderfully at this point. mascara running, and i rarely wear it, but i could feel it sliding down my face. my hair and body are soaking wet and i am destroyed in his universe.

i could go on about the love affair i have with God as Shiva. and of course as i was making such sweet divine love with Shiva at this point, we sat up eyes closed and sang our closing chant and it was to Shiva. it was loves perfection. i had everything i ever wanted. i was complete.

I was excited to get up and greet my friend. She was red-faced, beautiful, vibrant, sweaty, full of strength and shining brightly. I was happy she came and shared the experience. We hugged tightly, pressing our hot, red, alive bodies together in an ecstatic embrace.