Dream.

I woke up at 4AM. I'm not sure what woke me, maybe the intensity of this dream, but usually I just go back to sleep, convincing myself that I will remember it well enough in the morning. This time I forced myself to get out of bed and turn on my computer to write what I could remember. I want to pay more attention to my dreams, maybe using them as access to deeper parts of my subconscious.

This is what and how I wrote at 4AM this morning.


I got to the Galpers. There was Noah and Sadasiva was with me. We went to a house.
There was a copy of the bhagavad gita open on a bookcase. A woman came in, lit some sage and started saying things in another language, doing puja.
We were all sitting around. There was a “wolf”.
She invited me to come “put my breast to the wolve’s mouth." I went up, scared and it lunged at me rabidly and ferociously. People in the background made some sounds, noises. I tried again and the same. Angry lunge at me with razor shapr teeth and a mouth that wanted to kill.
The third time I went up powerfully and put my full consciousness up against the dragony wolf and my breast to its mouth. It froze, with its hot vaporous breath all around my upper body. Panting and breathing hot air. Then it settled down and eventually she said, you can allow him to kiss you to be finished, something like that. He gave me a big lick and I was finished,

The difference the third time was that I brought consiousness and had no fear. The first two times I was afraid and thought we were separate creatures/ the third time I risked it all.

close your eyes

somebody on tribe was asking me for advice on the path of devotion and this is what I wrote. I don't feel like i said the best thing or even that anything i write holds any merit. I want to put it on my blog though because i love being a resource to people and shining any light on what may turn out to be valuable input or insight I can offer. and, i love being that particularly for women. young women even more specifically.
I feel supported and held in the softness and warmth of divine light.

***
well, my advice is to close your eyes, feel you heart and trust your intuition. try out different places and different paths and see which feels most like your path. Amma is "easy" to take a liking to,. she is very available, pure love and compassion and accepts all who come to her. You can visit her again in late May when she comes to the states. You might also try going to different yoga centers and see who their gurus are and what lineage they follow, see what moves you. there are some shady places out there but you wont know until you give it a go. Books help discovering that too,. I recommed one by Swami Sivananda Radha called " A woman's search" something like that. it is her tale of meeting Swami Sivananda in the fifties in India. she has an ashram in canada. I have been greatly inspired by her dedication and courage. I follow amma, she is my guru. but Swami Radha and Swami Sivananda are the other path that speaks to and guides my life. do some research on the internet and read the works of people whose names you come across, that will surely shine some light on what's out there. keep me posted. id love ot hear your progress. my other advice is to purify your mind and life by becoming more awake to what is really the truth about why we are here. to realize our true selves, our god nature. this reality comes alive through meditation and yoga asanas and chanting. thanks for asking for my input. it feels good ot share my experience with all this. and i am just a baby looking for my way as well. blessings and light, amrita

manifesting

here's what I want to manifest in my life:
-singing kirtan every day
-learning to play the harmonium
-a lasting loving relationship
-a greater living pratice of yogic living
-saying Amma's 1000 names everyday, memorizing them and all their meanings
-to always sweetly tell the truth
-the merge my heart with Gods as one
-to feel free and unattached but deeply committed
-to not have so many food attachments and food karma
-to always chant my mantra
-a dog to love up always
-a garden, to grow more earthy things
-a prayer room
-a healthy body
-a razor sharp mind
-to clear the clutter from all corners of my emotional, mental, physical, spiritual space

what do you want to manifest in your life?

Radha, dearest Radha

--I cannot know you if I hold onto the image I have of you.
--Mental and physical discipline is needed. A drifting mind is thefirst step to deterioration.
--All spiritual practice is reprogramming yourself until you reach astate of awareness where you can forget about programming
--Unless the mind is truly empty of all concepts about who you are,and the resulting self-importance, nothing much is going to happen.
--Dedication and choice destroy obstacles
--God doesnt work for you. The cosmic Force works through you.
--What are you attracted to? What do you like? that is where you are at.
--When sharing your experience or activities, consider your motivationand the possible effect on the other person. Sharing is not alwayscaring.
--The strongest hold on most of us is emotional security, lookingoutside ourselves for that which can only be found within. there is nosecurity that we can really find in another person.
--The discovery of negative aspects and limitations in your selfshould not be seen as something evil. They are part of the perfectionof life, one half of the unit. Without knowing the darkness of night,the light of day is not enjoyed.
--Human Emotions are the electricity on which the Divine Energy can travel.
--If you are accused and react emotionally or with anger, understandthat in some way, on some level, it is true.
--Criticism is based on a firmly established value system.
--If you were really humiliated, you had tremendous attachment and blindness.
--Desire is an insatiable beast. It never gets enough.
--When you feel hurt, look at the personality aspect that is injured.
--You have a right to your own path. Don't compare yourself toanother. Comparison is judgement and competition.
--Your true nature is incomprehensible to your intellect.
--Be yourself. Put assumptions away about what you should be. Theseare a waste of time.
--Reflect on what you have. If you don't like it, throw it out. Youdon't have to analyze everything.
--Have faith. Support from the divine doesn't come too soon because it is important for you to grow stronger. This will happen only by you taking your own steps.
--We must not confuse excess with quality
--Never use knowledge or emotion as a weapon against others. Never stir up anyone's imagination for your benefit.
--Total renunciation means giving up emotional attachments to material things, then emotional attachments to cherished ideas and beliefs.
--Those potentials that have been developed to an unusual degree by a few human beings were brought about by constant searching, never taking anything for granted, never accepting any limit. Limits are an end.
--Know the difference between intuition and emotion. The inner command of intuition is beyond emotion.




All of these quotes come from Swami Sivananda Radha. She is a hugeinspiration to me on the spiritual path. I hope you too find a placefor any of this wisdom. They all come from a book of hers called Seedof Light. With gratitude for all that is beyond my boundaries ofunderstanding, anitra

--Your true nature is incomprehensible to your intellect.Swami Sivananda Radha